For smart girls …

smartgirls

who worry too much! 

‘You’re so stupid,’ I tell myself. ‘You screwed up, big time !’ I beat myself up with words until my shoulders drop, and my pace slows down, and my chin drops to my collarbone .

Tonight, I had a spanish oral presentation that I prepared well for.  It’s just that somewhere between my clinical cases and formative review preps, and the podium , I got tired.

I do that , A LOT. Do many things, whilst thinking of other things I could do, or should be doing whilst thinking of all the other things I should have done in the past. I don’t stop…

I never stop, so when I tire and slip up I tell myself i’ve messed up. Exaggerating, abusing myself …

I read somewhere that that’s what smart girls do. If we don’t hear the words ‘good’ or ‘great work’ we’ve automatically failed . And if something a little difficult is presented in front of us, such that we can’t initially be ‘good’ or do ‘great work’ we bury our faces in our hands and say ‘I’m stupid.’

Just to put this into context, my spanish teacher said i did well. My classmates applauded me. Why the abuse then? Well, I missed out four lines (lines that only I knew about ) .

So for the smart girl having one hell of a week , or day or even year, I feel you hon. But you needn’t be so mean to yourself. You’re fine, and come Christmas, or new year’s non of this will even matter.

With love,

Cam.

 

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2 Comments

  1. Yandile
    November 29, 2016 / 10:48 pm

    you are growing :*

    • Kam
      November 29, 2016 / 11:16 pm

      Feels more like unfurling . Thank you ?

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